I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
