i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
