Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
