I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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