I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
