i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
