my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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