I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
