his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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