Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
