how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
