I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
