If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
