So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
