Having a random hookup so left but love u
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
