You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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