my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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