I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
