I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
