Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
