Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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