Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
