dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
