just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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