It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
