They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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