my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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