She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
