Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
