i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need a hoe opinion
go on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
