The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
