i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have feelings that need drinking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
