Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
