Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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