ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
