Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
