I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
