i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
