; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
