We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
