she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize