who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
