god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
