Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
