shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
