somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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