I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
