Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i barfeds in our rink
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
