There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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