I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
