Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
