you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
