dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
