sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
