So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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