I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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