just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
