I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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