it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
