I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
