the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
