no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
