What a fucking waste of an outfit
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
