how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
