My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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