Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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