So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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